An Unexpected Blessing
God knew the intricacies of our family before we did, and we are so thankful. In 1999, both Hudson and I began SWBTS as students ready to begin another chapter in our lives. We had a couple of classes together, became good friends over that first semester, and started dating the second semester. On December 9, 2000, Hudson proposed in downtown Fort Worth and I ecstatically agreed. During Hudson’s last semester, we married and Hudson began working at SWBTS while I completed my degree. Like most newlyweds, we enjoyed our time together and figured that we would start a family in the future. Little did we know that starting a family wouldn’t be as easy as we hoped. After trying to conceive for 4 years, we began looking at our options for becoming parents. Right about that time, we accepted a transfer for Hudson’s job. With the transition occurring of moving, we placed thinking about our options about having children on hold.
We had met with a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Fort Worth and had been told that it was unlikely we would ever get pregnant without “help.” Our RE recommended IVF as his first choice, but if we weren’t comfortable with that, we could certainly try IUI. Hudson and I discussed what we felt we were comfortable with, what we felt was right according to the Bible, and what we felt like financially we could do. We had been told that time was not our friend, as I had been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure and our chances of ever getting pregnant would dissipate with time. Six months after moving, we began discussing again the possibilities that were out there for our having children. We had been praying for the last 5 years that God would bless our family with children, and we were trusting Him to reveal exactly the path that He wanted us to choose. That path seemed long at times! After consulting with a doctor, we both felt that God had led us down a path that we were willing to try (IUI). We were hesitant, because we didn’t know if what we chose would work. We were excited about the possibility of becoming parents and felt peace about pursuing IUI. We were faithful because we felt that God had brought us to this place, and we wanted to continually trust in Him, even if it meant difficult decisions at the last moment. I happened to pick up a book about Christian adoption in early June of 2007, thinking it would be helpful for clients that I might counsel in the future. Hudson and I had discussed adoption, and had both decided that if we didn’t become pregnant, we would consider and move towards adoption.
In July, Hudson told me that he had done something new that day—he had looked at adoption agencies around the area. I was shocked and surprised—yes, we had discussed it, but we were days away from going through with the IUI. He told me about what he had found, and I listened intently. My heart started to move in a direction that I wasn’t sure I was ready for. I went away for a few days for a girl’s trip to Destin, FL with my mom and sisters and nieces. My family knew we were about to begin IUI and asked about it. I told them that Hudson and I had started talking about adoption instead and might not pursue IUI after all. I remember that as we were driving on a little highway in Alabama towards Florida, my sisters and Mom all admitted that they were concerned about our doing IUI, but hadn’t mentioned anything. They told me that they were concerned about the possibility of miscarriage if the IUI worked, and how devastating that would be for us. They knew how emotional of a journey infertility had been, and didn’t want me to experience further loss. I was shocked—they had been so encouraging about IUI before, and now it seemed they had done a 180. I read the book I had purchased earlier about adoption, and got a clearer picture of the options within adoption. I came home from the trip, refreshed and ready to talk to Hudson more about adoption. He tells me how much research he’s done about it while I was gone. I remember seeing a “hope” in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Hudson and I talked again about adoption and made the decision to not pursue the IUI, but instead to pursue adoption. I remember driving to work that evening, and hearing on our local Christian radio station a “clip” about adoption. The clip involved adoptive parents of a daughter named Leann and the joy they experienced through her. I had chill bumps for the rest of the evening as I considered God’s continual “messages” to me in the last 2 weeks about adoption. I remember praying that God would reveal to me that He wanted us to pursue adoption, and that we weren’t doing this for our own gain. I heard those soft words that I still cherish, “Yes, LeAnn, this plan is for you.” I came home that evening, with a weight lifted off of me that had been present for years of battling infertility. I felt overwhelmed that I knew a piece of God’s plan for our future family, I felt overjoyed in the hope of knowing that one day I would become a parent, and I felt amazed at how God can change a heart in a matter of days.
We quickly found out that we didn’t know much about the adoption process. Domestic or international? Private agency or foster-to-adopt? We researched and read about adoption all that we could. We spoke with a couple in our church that had adopted a year previously, and heard their “story.” It was so encouraging for us to hear how adoption had worked for another family, and to hear how God had worked in their life, just as we felt He was working in ours. After praying about the direction that we should take, we called a few agencies to find out the “basics” about their organizations. Several were immediately “cut out” because of cost, beliefs, etc. One though, continued to stand out above the rest because of their beliefs, their mission, and their excellent track record over the years. We made the call to start the process with this agency, and in October of 2007, we had our first “interview.” The prayers and excitement leading up to our interview day was hardly containable. We continued to feel completely resolved about our decision to adopt, and there was such a hope that we hadn’t felt in years about having a child. We drove to the agency in late October and met with Cindy, who asked us about how we came to make this decision to adopt. Cindy shared her own experience as an adoptive parent, answered our questions about this “beginning phase,” described the process of adoption through their agency, and gave us homework of completing the application, and reading 5 books about adoption. We left with a great sense of God’s continual working in our lives, and felt confident that He had led us to the right agency to work with.
The agency we choose to work with is also a pregnancy center, and one of the things that they do is help women make the choice for life for their baby. They are not “pushy” with adoption—in fact, they want to have as many of the women that will parent their children do so. Only if a woman decides that she can’t parent her own child will they discuss adoption with her. Adoptive couples/families are not brought into the picture until the birthmom is at least seven months along in her pregnancy. Their first goal is to minister to the pregnant women that come through their door—they want all those that enter to gain a relationship with Jesus Christ first and foremost. We were especially pleased knowing that our agency cares about not only the adoptive parents, but also those pregnant women that enter their door every day, sharing the love of Jesus with them. We began filling out our extensive paperwork, reading our books, getting everything together so that we could turn in all of the requirements to become an adoptive couple. Throughout the process, we continued to feel that God was leading us every step of the way. We calmly leaned on Him, praying every day for the birthparents that we might come into contact with, praying every day for that infant that would one day join our family. We felt confident in His timing, though we’ll both admit that hearing that there is an average wait time of one year just made us work through our lack of patience that much more. We were concerned about the cost since we were doing a private adoption—typical costs are between $13,000 to $25,000 and we just don’t have that kind of money sitting around. But we continued to trust God since He had led us to this decision from the very beginning that He would provide for the cost of the adoption.
We turned in our paperwork in early 2008, and heard that our homestudy would be in several months. We continued reading, praying, and hoping that “our day” would come soon. In April, our homestudy was completed, and we truly were “on the list” of adoptive couples and families waiting for a child to call our own. We were “expecting” without knowing our due date. We identified our financial need to be able to pay for our adoption, and continued working to make our goal. We had prayed in the fall of 2007 about another job possibility for me, since we knew of the financial need for paying for the adoption, and God provided a second job for me in late 2007. He continued to guide us through every decision we had to make, and we continued to feel confident in Him. About this same time, LeAnn’s mom, Carol, was rediagnosed with breast cancer, so we also began praying that she would have the opportunity to meet our children, whenever that might happen.
In May 2008, we attended our first adoption seminar put on by our adoption agency. We learned what our “open” adoption could look like with a potential birthmother, we heard from a birthmom about the decision she made to place her child with an adoptive couple, and we learned more about the process that we would be going through. We were also faced with some other decisions at this time not directly related to the adoption, but it required us to have trust and faith in God’s provision. There were days that I really doubted the hope that I had felt earlier about becoming a mother. I knew, deep down, that God would provide, but my surface feelings often showed up filled with doubt. We prayed earnestly about the decisions we were making, about the birthparents we would encounter in the future, and about our future child. Faith in God’s provision came easy on some days, harder on others. I clung to God’s promise that “He who began a good work in you will see it to completion.” We had to begin preparing a nursery for pictures to be shown to a potential birthmother, so while there was excitement in feeling like an “expectant parent,” there were also questions about how we would continue to be patient. I felt we’d been patient for 5 or more years, and one more month seemed like an eternity. Little did I know…
On June 23, 2008, our social worker called us to ask permission to show our “profile” to a birthmom who was considering adoption for her baby. She gave us the necessary information for us to make the decision, and asked us to pray about it and let her know. We did pray that evening, considering the information she gave us, and made the decision that our profile could be shown to this birthmom. At our agency, birthmoms are given 3 profiles to choose their adoptive family from—after the agency has already gone through the profiles and picked those that have the best “match” based on certain criteria. The agency also prays through the profiles to be shown to the birthmoms, so everything goes according to God’s plan. We felt confident that God’s plan would be revealed, and prayed that this birthmom would make the best decision for her child, which might or might not include us in the picture. We prayed that our hearts would be open to this child, but that we wouldn’t get “carried away” by the possibility that we could be picked. We had only waited 2 months at this point, and most adoptive families experience a failed placement at some point, so we knew that our chances were completely in God’s hands, and we trusted Him in that.
July 2, 2008—what a day to remember. I was working at the police department, getting caught up on a few things, when that “private caller” showed up on my cell phone. I answered it, figuring it was our social worker. I had mentally prepared myself that she would say “LeAnn, the birthmom didn’t choose you and Hudson.” I had rehearsed how I was going to respond to this information. My gut instincts told me that God had something different in store for us, and I had been clinging to His plan, and not my own wishes. Sara asked me how I was, and then said, “LeAnn, she picked you and Hudson.” I remember asking her to repeat what she just said, because it didn’t seem real. I tried to breathe, and then tried to remember to ask the few questions that were important. I found out more information about the birthmom’s history, set up a meeting between us and the birthmom at the agency for the following week, and found out that the baby was due in 7 weeks. As soon as I got off the phone, I prayed earnestly for this baby, this birthmom, and Hudson and I as we embarked on a very new journey. I was praising Him for this decision that was made, but didn’t want to overlook that it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Him. I walked outside to call Hudson and let him know the news—I think he was equally as floored as I was. I had to get out of the office, so I went to Pei Wei and ordered my favorite lunch there...I had time to "think" while waiting on my order. I realized while waiting that I was going to be a Mom! I looked forward to getting home that evening so that Hudson and I could talk and pray together, but there were still work hours to be done. We had both decided that we would not be telling anyone except one set of friends that had been faithful to pray for us from the very beginning. The message I left on our friend's voicemail probably is hilarious now, but at that moment, I just needed someone to pray for us. Our families would find out next, but we wanted to enjoy the few days of just our knowing first. We had an enjoyable evening talking about what the future might hold, but knowing that anything could change.
July 4th weekend had us heading to TN, where my parents and sisters live. I had asked Hudson on the way there if I could tell my family that evening, and he agreed. My mom’s health was continuing to decline, and chemotherapy wasn’t working like we hoped it would. The family was so surprised when we asked my mom to read a note that announced that our “baby” was due on August 23rd. My mom smiled and read it aloud again because she couldn't believe it. Lisa and Lesli's faces were priceless as they heard our Mom read that note. My nieces were excited about the fact that they were going to get a cousin. We spent the entire weekend talking about what was to come, going to Babies R Us and investigating car seats and strollers, and praying continually for our meeting the following week. On July 9th, we drove to the agency to meet our birthmom. With our agency, all of the adoptions are open, and so meeting our birthmom would be just one occasion of many, if she desired to be a part of her child’s life. We prayed in the car on the way to the agency, and prayed right before we met her. We were nervous, but we held to the thought that we are to be “shining examples of Christ.” We met our birthmom, and spent the next hour talking with her about what she liked, didn’t like, her growing up years, her family, her dreams. She told us "we" were having a little girl, and we talked about names. We thought it was so neat that she already considered this child a part of our lives even though we just entered the picture. Part of our agency’s adoption requirement is that the birthmom names the child, and that the adoptive couple takes one of the names the birthmom gives to the child and incorporates it into the name the adoptive couple picks. She told us that she would like for her child to have the name “Marie,” and we told her we wanted to name the child “Micayla.” And so, Micayla Marie was named and due in 6 weeks. We prayed together at the end, and told our birthmom that we would be praying for her everyday. As we left, Hudson remarked to me that he wished we could adopt our birthmom as well…and even though this isn’t possible, we do hope that we will have a lasting relationship with her, and that we can continually show her who Christ is through our family. We prayed for her every day, and anxiously awaited the next 6 weeks!
A couple of weeks before Micayla was due, we got to meet our birthmom again, along with her mother. This visit was good as well, though certainly stressful as we are navigating new territory, and just want to be the best examples we can be. Our birthmom was excited to see us, and even told her mother that jointly we had named the baby Micayla Marie. It was encouraging to hear how our birthmom talked about “our” decision—that the three of us could come together and make a decision for the wellbeing of this infant reminded me how good God works things out for His purpose.
August 28, 2008—our birthmom went to the hospital to be induced and everyone was on pins and needles. We still had only told close family, several friends, and a few co-workers—there was always the chance that our birthmom would change her mind, and we had to have some precautions in place. We trusted that even if our birthmom changed her mind, that it was in God’s plan. We only wanted what was best for this baby, and for her birthmom—even if we got disappointed in the process. We clung to God’s provision thus far for us, and counted down hours until we might become parents.
2:59 a.m., August 29, 2008—Micayla Marie entered this world at 7 lbs., 4 oz., and we found out about it 5 hours later. Micayla was in good health, and our birthmom was feeling good as well, though tired. We made plans to go to the hospital on the 31st for the placement. Our birthmom had chosen to have it in the chapel there, and a local pastor had been asked to come and “officiate” the placement ceremony. Our social worker said that Micayla was beautiful, and we trusted her words. We spent our last 2 days without children with family and celebrated the arrival of the baby we hadn’t yet met. We bought the essentials, prayed a lot for God’s plan to be accomplished (whatever it might be), and trusted God to bring us through a very exciting, or possibly disappointing, couple of days. On Sunday, August 31st, we went to church for the service, and then drove to the hospital to pick up our daughter. Everyone was in the chapel when we got there, and we felt a mixture of emotions. We hurt for our birthmom as she was letting go of a daughter, we hurt for our birthmom’s family as they said goodbye to a baby they’d known for 2 days, we hurt for taking away this baby that we desired so much from someone that chose life for our daughter. The service was emotional—we cried tears of joy, tears of sorrow. We saw Micayla for the first time in our birthmom’s arms and we struggled with the vast enormity of the situation. We prayed deeply and with every breath that God’s plan for this little girl was being fulfilled. The pastor prayed for our birthmom while she held Micayla and said goodbye. Our birthmom gave Micayla to the pastor and he prayed over her—it was such a sweet prayer about how Micayla will be used in the future to glorify God in all she does, and a call to us, as parents, to raise her in a godly home. We prayed along with him that her life would be one of service to Him and others, and that He would equip us to become her parents. The pastor then gave Micayla to our social worker and prayed for all of us again, and then our social worker handed Micayla to Hudson. I’ll never forget that moment as I saw my husband of 7 years hold our daughter for the very first time, and fall completely in love with her in one glance. We had to say goodbye to our birthmom at this point, and we gave her a locket necklace for her to put a picture of Micayla in. We told our birthmom that we loved her and would pray for her daily, and that we would take care of her daughter. And we cried tears of sadness over someone that was experiencing a grief that we had never known, and prayed that God would come in and heal the hurt that she was experiencing. And yet, our family just grew by one sweet little girl. And we felt overwhelmed at God’s graciousness to entrust us with the life and wellbeing of someone we just met.
The next few days were filled with gazing at our new daughter, and praising God continually for this gift, and praying continually for the heart of our birthmom. We have certain obligations to her in the first six months that include pictures and letters each month on Micayla’s “birth day," but we'll continue to correspond with our birthmom after that six months is up. We too, receive letters from her about how she is doing and her desires for the future. We know that we will see our birthmom again in 6 or 7 months, and that we will likely see her a couple of times a year at the agency for visits. We will continue to receive letters from her, and we will continue to send letters and pictures to her of Micayla as she grows up. We want Micayla to know her birthmom and to appreciate the choice she made in placing her for adoption. We want Micayla to know that we love her as her parents, but that her birthmom loves her too. We want Micayla to understand that our goal is to be shining examples of Christ to her birthmom throughout the years to come. We want Micayla to see God’s provision and plan for her life, and how it weaved into our life as well.
We’ve had a chaotic couple of months with Micayla—though nothing to do with her. We’ve begun to figure out parenthood, despite encountering Hurricane Ike 2 weeks after she was born. We have celebrated her life each and every day, and prayed continually for her wellbeing. We’ve flown to TN so she could meet “Mama Carol” and seen how God’s plan included the ability for my mom to sing, read, feed, and hold Micayla. We’ve flown back to Memphis for the funeral of my mom, who passed away on October 6th, knowing that she is cancer free and worshipping our great God in heaven, but also knowing that our prayers were fulfilled---she met our Micayla, and we’re so thankful. Micayla has been introduced to a countless number of family, friends, coworkers, church friends, and others who now know her story. And our lives have been magnified greatly by this gift that God gave to us, and we praise Him daily for the life He has now entrusted us with.
